morning text

so i met this guy when i was home last month. he's the cousin of a friend i've known since second grade. that heifer swore up and down that the three of us were just going to lunch; it was not a hookup. lies! it was totally a hookup. except the parts didn't match at all. it was like trying to put an american plug into a european outlet. at least that's what it was like for me. apparently, for him it was more like solving a rubix cube. he did buy me drinks when we moved on to the bars, which was nice, except that i don't really drink that much. and i will say that he is a nice, intelligent individual. HOWEVER. 1) let's not talk about oral sex at lunch the first day that we meet. 2) i know that i can be amusing sometimes, but there's no need for you to double over with laughter and conveniently bury YOUR head in MY lap 3) if there's a hair in my face, just tell me. i'll get it. but thank you for trying and almost poking my eye out. 4) you have no reason to touch my inner thigh. you haven't left anything in that region. also, just as a side note, if you're going to push a $60/70,000 vehicle, let's make sure we take the carmax sticker off the back. i'm just saying. and not because i give a shit about cars (obviously this didn't make me want him anymore). i've dated guys with no cars, shitty cars and ones who lived in their cars, so that makes no difference to me, but if one is going to floss, one should keep their shit tight. aiight?

anyway, this all happened the day before i left to come back to LA, and he's been sporadically text messaging ever since. most of his texts, actually all of them, have been along the lines of "hey!! how are you?!?" and really, there are only so many ways to say "fine" and "good", and even if i was interested, this is absolutely no way to sustain a 1200+ miles relationship.

so at 7:40 this morning, i get another "hey u!! how are you?!?" text. this is way too early for casual texting. i responded a little less than an hour later.

me (8:28 a.m.): Good. Thanks. You?

though i may not be interested, as hopefully demonstrated by my lame response, i'm also not rude, so i HAD to ask how he was doing in return.

him (8:29 a.m.): I'm good. Thanks. U were on my mind this a.m. What's been up?

here i paused b/c i find it baffling when people ask you questions over text message that hint at elaborate responses. how much detail am i really going to go into in 160 characters? i can't not respond, and i can't say "nothing" because i don't want to sound like i need someone to bring excitement to my life. and i'm annoyed that i have to actually think about this...

me (8:40 a.m.): Taking over the world. The usual.

him (8:42 a.m.): Lol...thats wsup! I wanna c u..

dun, dun, duuuuuun. and here it is. the text of doom. the one i was really hoping would never see the light of day. but here it is. he wants to see me. he wants to see me! wtf am i supposed to say to that? i'll tell you what i say to that.

me (8:48 a.m.): Well, I'm on facebook.

him (8:50 a.m.): Physically see u..

what's with the 2 periods after everything? it's either one or three. two periods means nothing. if your period button is stuck, get it fixed.

before i had to come up with some other subtlely smartass remark, he continued.

him (8:51 a.m.): Ure still not back b4 xmas?

me (8:51 a.m.): Correct.

my quickest response yet. now please don't suggest coming out here, please don't, please don't, please don't...

him (8:52 a.m.): K..was just tellin u that..not that u could do anything abt it..lol

again with the 2 periods! but that was overshadowed by my relief.

10 minutes of celebratory silence. then...

him (9:02 a.m.): Keep killin 'em talk with u soon..

and that was the end of that. for now. so, i'm wondering, is the plan to keep texting me until xmas and then hangout and fall head over heels? and does that work? i guess if i liked him, i'd be totally into it. i guess if i liked him i would have taken the bait and suggested he come out for a visit. but i don't. alas. and the sad part is that his area code is similar to the area code of a guy i actually do want to talk to, so for half a second, i i actually was excited. sigh (insert three periods)

i HAVE blocked text messaging on my phone before and i can do it again, L.A.