an observation from atop the hiatus

if you hang out/have an intimate encounter with a guy who you've been seeing for five months, and he doesn't "call" you (read: text you) for 11 days and counting, that is kind of shitty.
regardless of how low my expectations might have been (and i'm pretty sure they weren't THAT low), that is kind of a dick move.

and it bothers me a little.

it's just disappointing when you think someone gives a shit, at least a minimal shit (...they act like they do anyway), and then you realize they don't. and the more concessions and compromises you make, the worse it seems to get.

i think back to all the advice i received over the course of this situation about my expectations and men...and i think that perhaps i wasn't so wrong to begin with. my adoption of new behavior, techniques and a laissez-faire attitude mixed with more aggressive/proactive tactics didn't really get me anywhere. so...i guess i'm back to square one. with a renewed conviction about what i don't want and how i do not wish to act and how i do not wish to be treated.

hiatus

MD has been on hiatus because MD has made some questionable moves that have led MD to be self-reflective and talk in third person.

in essence, i've involved myself with the same person in a way that's not productive and kinda made me feel shitty. so much so that i haven't even felt like talking about it. furthermore, i wasn't sure how i was going to handle myself going forward...

but don't get me wrong. i don't think i'm a victim or anything. i know this is my own fault for not walking away. and i've tried to deal with it by not dealing it. in the past, it's taken so much energy for me to forget about someone, to consciously make the decision not to deal...ever again. so in an effort, to avoid expending that energy, i've just concluded not to do anything. however, this too can be problematic.

anyway, whatever. i'm trying to do my positive thinking shit...and i'm on plenty of fish (ooohhh, the horrors) in an effort to get myself out there. sigh...

so forgive me for my absence. but sometimes even i can't handle myself. i hope to have a much better situation to discuss soon.