i'm so hot right now i'm scaring myself (halloween reference)

sheer boredom is forcing me to write this. it's become increasingly difficult to pretend to work. and i'm tired of writing "bored" over and over on this piece of paper. in french. if perhaps i didn't share an office with the bosslady, it might be a bit easier. but i can only stare at the same document for so long. pretend to read or write the same thing for only so many hours before things start to look fishy. i can only hope she mistakes this blog, which i ingeniously type in a blank email from my work account, for a lengthy analysis of fundraising efforts.
on with the show.

i've had a fistful of dates lately. which for me is like a monsoon. to follow up the two from the week before, i had three last weekend. Friday's date was like an homage to days of thunder or some other 80s movie that involved speeding down the road next to the beach, top down on the convertible, hair blowing to the tune of Prince. and then there was driving through the mountains at 80 mph and then there was dancing to prince and smooching standing on top of the mountain overlooking the city. so fabulously cliche it all was.
however, when we did kiss, i felt...i felt nothing. well, i felt, "wow. let's not do that again." tragic because he did everything else so well. opening doors, asking questions, making reservations, paying attention, showing initiative. then there's the guy from Saturday, who took me out for a delicious meal. but i felt like if i didn't ask him questions, that we would sit there in silence. i literally felt like i was carrying the conversation on my back, across the sahara, in the blazing sun. i guess he enjoyed himself though because he asked me out again for this weekend, right after we did that "oh, are you going to kiss me?" dance, which ended with his lips on my hairline. Sunday, it was the one who is too young and too cute and too unavailable. we just laid on the couch watching Hook, so i'm not sure that really counts as a "date." and also, we're just "friends." who had "sex." "once."

so here's how the week progressed. Monday, i met a guy on the street. let me rephrase that. i met a guy outside a cafe (much more sophisticated). actually he was outside the blockbuster next door to a cafe, but that's not important. we talked, but no information was exchanged. no sooner do i get back to work than my phone rings. it was him. yet again, another guy with some of that good ol' initiative tracked me down on the internet through my job's website. i'm not sure if we'll go out, that remains to be seen, but damn i love a man who will take matters into his own hands (even if it does involve the internet). then mid-week i had a "business" dinner, but i think the guy kinda liked me. my suspicion was furthered when he invited me to a halloween party. the same halloween party that another guy (the one who doesn't ask questions) invited me to. AWKWARD. i think that's going to be a no-go on both ends. man, this being wanted business is sort of stressful. i think my eczema is flaring up.

i'm not complaining. don't get me wrong. i plan to ride this boat 'til it don't float no mo. however, it just reemphasizes how rare chemistry is. that one little thing that can make everything else, good or bad, obsolete. i haven't found that yet in my fistful of dates...well, not really. but i'll keep enjoying the ride until it hits me.
i am wishin' for a happy halloween in L.A.

part II

how is it that one can go from no dates for muuuunths to three dates with three different gents on the same weekend? i don't know, but see that's what i'm saying, if that can happen then surely i can get paid to entertain people (see part I). so i'm sure that having someone's tongue in my mouth and having boys call me has indirectly made me more optimistic in terms of my career. let me knock on my faux wood desk right now before my social life goes right back down the crapper and takes my optimistic toe nail with it (again, see part I). i met one guy at a work thing a few weeks back. my co-worker got his number for me and told me that he's from georgia (the country near russia). he was quite cute and about 28, i guessed. well, turns out he is not 28, he's 24. and he's not from georgia the country, but georgia the state, and of course, he just broke up with his girlfriend and is not looking for anything serious (i swear i could find these suckers in a tornado with a blindfold on). at least he was upfront from day 1, which is appreciated. and he is quite an exceptional maker-outer and pretty damn cute, so what are you going to do? it's so unlike me to just get it on with someone like that, but hey f*ck it...and f*ck me, i guess.

then there's this guy who i met when i was out watching last week's presidential debate. we talked for quite a long time, and he hung out with me and the people i was with the entire evening, but when he left, we didn't exchange info, which i thought was odd, but whatever. well, little did i know that mr. smarty pants felt that he had acquired enough information to be able to find me, if he wanted to, which he did. equipped with only my common first name and place of employment, he found me and emailed me. he's very nice, and older. my guess is mid 30s. stable (at least it appears that way), with a good job (something to do with software) and no kids. just a strong chicago accent and an affinity for beer and whiskey. we were supposed to go out yesterday, but he got called into work, so he had to cancel. but as an older, mature gentleman should do, he 1) apologized, 2) gave a legitimate reason as to why we could not have dinner and 3) rescheduled during the same phone call with BONUS) a plan as to where we will go and a promise to 4) make it up to me. well done.

then there's my co-worker's friend, the one who i mentioned when i went to the cemetery to see Alien. well, he was also at the debate watch with me, my co-worker and her husband, and per my co-worker, she sensed that this he got a little jealous when this other chicago guy was being so attentive. keep in mind, he'd never asked me out or asked me for my number, so it was sort of surprising when he called me on saturday, and i ended up seeing him for dinner and following that up with a night out at a bar with excellent music with the young guy (see paragraph 1) for a mutual friend's birthday. between the saki and beer i had with dinner and the amaretto sours i had at the bar, i was feelin' alllright. and for a "non-drinker" such as myself, that alllrightness came on pretty quickly. and i was looking rather fly that night (as both of them pointed out), and other gentleman at the bar took notice, which i think prompted young guy to want to mark his "we're just friends" territory by touching, smacking, grinding my ass whenever possible. oh, what fun.

i have to actually do some work now in L.A.

part I

yawn. it's another Monday. at my job. i'm still here, slumbering through meetings and agendas, mindlessly taking rsvps and ordering table cloths. blah blah blah. this was all supposed to be over. i could have sworn by now that i was on my way out. see, i was finalist for the WB writing program, and i was pretty sure they would take me, and i was pretty sure i'd be on my way to bigger and better things in a matter of months. but life, with her ever-fickle, always unpredictable self would have no such thing. after having several weeks balancing the fine line between self-confidence and self-doubt, optimism and preparation for the worst and after having finally convinced myself that this is what i deserved, this respectable workshop was god's way of finally opening the door for me and having mercy on my soul, i got the call that it was not to be. they went with more experienced individuals, they said. and i cried. cried a little bit in front of this very computer at my desk, cried a whole lot more on my couch into a piece of chocolate cake (cheesecake factory's linda's fudge cake). i blubbered because i realized i'd been banking on this for quite a while, and suddenly it was gone and along with it, any immediate prospect of occupational bliss. i snotted at the thought of having to do this job for the foreseeable future without one ounce of hope. it was the promise of something better that had allowed me to endure, and that was gone. and so i was just left with the reality of what IS sans the shimmery life raft of what could be and should be.
but i didn't immediately plot my return to texas. nor did i decide that clearly, i'm on the wrong path. as much as it pained me to see that opportunity float away, somewhere, deep inside my right fourth toe's nail (or perhaps the left...i dunno), that little part of me knew that i would be okay. knew/knows. i don't know when, and i don't know how, but everything will be okay. and i can't believe i'm actually saying that, let alone believing it, considering things haven't ever looked this bleak. but '08 is all about change and new shit and realizing the impossible, is it not? in '08, experience is all relative and often times inconsequential. so i just need to wait for the right sucker to take a chance on me. i'm not asking to like lead the free world or anything, just let me write. that's all.
i am a changed woman. i am. although, my optimism could simply be resulting from the mere fact that i've been making out a lot and finally got laid (go 2008!). but that's part 2.
i believe nothing says "hope" like a lil' bump n grind in L.A.