swine flu and other concerns

1. my co-worker, whom i share an office with, came back from mexico with a fever. should i be concerned?

2. i had smoked bacon on my salad last night. should i make a doctor's appointment?

3. i keep getting booted from the dominoes games i'm playing online. is my screen name not cool enough or does that mean i suck at dominoes?

4. i hate it when people try to hook me up with any black guy they know simply because he's black (and generally employed). even my boss, whom i love and respect and who happens to be white, does it. damn near ANY black guy she runs across (married or not, old or young), she tells me about him. really? and if he has a dog with him and is "well-spoken" well, holy shit! she feels like she's hit the jackpot. it's not just the boss though. a friend of mine back home tried to do that this weekend too (if you're reading this, you know i love you, but...). she was so excited that she'd found the perfect guy for me. he happened to go to our brother school and graduated a year before us, and she ran into him over the weekend. at dinner one night, she appeared before me, brimming with excitement. "i have the perfect guy for you," she said. "who?" i asked warily, already sensing the downward slope of this conversation. "buckwheat!! i saw him this weekend. he looks great." okay, she didn't really say buckwheat, but she might as well have because that's about as excited as i got. here's the thing--i wasn't attracted to this guy back in high school, and (thank you, facebook) i'm not attracted to him now. i don't even think SHE finds him attractive. but hey, he's black, so ding! ding! ding! let's plan a wedding!!!

no.
stop.
think before you suggest.

i don't go around trying to hook my white friends up with any ol' white dude just because he's white. and i don't try to hook up my fijian friends with every fijian i meet. i have standards, and i figure they do too. furthermore, my great grand pappy was a white guy and my great grandmother (two of them actually) were native americans. i don't see y'all whipping any of those out. not to say that you should. frankly, i'm cool on the hookup thing because they've all been disastrous (from the gentleman who showed up for our first date with a bag of massage oils to the preacher who stuck his tongue in my ear while we were at the park...on a SUNDAY!). but if you are going to suggest people for me to date, let's broaden our horizons a little and pay attention to context clues. for example, if i have a picture of justin timberlake on the wall above my desk, don't try to hook me up with a dude that looks like tevin campbell. i'm just saying.

i have a tummy ache. is it the swine!!, L.A.?