computer love

so eharmony is having a "sale" on memberships, and i'm giving it some serious thought. granted, i have SWORN off internet dating more than once. having done match a few times, chemistry, and having perused the craigslist personals once (just to see what i could get for free), i decided that i was done. through. finished with paying for the POSSIBILITY of love. in fact, in all the times i've signed up (probably five total, one month at a time) i've only actually gone out with people twice.

the first guy i went out with, let's call him london because that's not that far from the truth, took me to a gay bar on our first (and last) date. now, to his credit, he did tell me where we were meeting up, so i wasn't surprised, and in the midst of our five hour phone conversation, he made it sound perfectly reasonable as to why our date should take place there. something about him being comfortable enough with his sexuality and masculinity to take a woman there and not feel awkward. at the time, it sounded reasonable to me. but during the course of the night, he did other weird things that made me feel like the whole date, gay bar or not, was a bad idea. such as going to the furthest corner from the entrance so he could "watch me walk toward him and decipher whether or not i'd ever had good sex." then there was the fact that he argued with me and followed every point with "come on, college girl" in an attempt, i believe, to prove that simply because i went to college (and he did not) did not mean i was smart. then there was the part when, as we laid on one of the canopy beds in the bar, he told me he was going to kiss me and rock my world. ack. his kiss was a representation of his personality: aggressive, awkward, and a total sham. he walked me to my car, kissed me again (yeah....), and we never spoke again.

then there was the guy who, as soon as i saw him through the window of the bar, i knew i wanted to abort the mission. he was cuter in the photos. but it was too late. i was there. i don't remember a thing he said except that he wanted to continue the party elsewhere, and i was so not feelin' that. when he went outside for a smoke (double ack!), i considered bolting, but he was standing in front on the only exit, and he was staring at me through the window. considering i could only see his head from where i was sitting and smoke clouding around his head, it felt rather like the twilight zone. i flaked on him a time or two after that, and he stopped asking me out.

and these are the guys who actually made it into the "date approved" category!! let's not get on the other schmucks i had to email and ask questions to and answer questions from and subsequently block. then there are the ones who don't make it past the "let me look at your picture" stage and the ones who "wink" at you with no picture at all. seriously? no picture? you expect me to play russian roulette with your face? you expect me to be so charmed by your typo-filled, grammatically incorrect profile, that i will meet you sight unseen? so you're dumb and unattractive...jackpot.

so why would i even CONSIDER going through all that again?

did i mention they're having a sale? and shit always looks better on sale. furthermore, i work with three gay guys and zero straight ones, so it's not like romance is brewing at work. i have yet to meet anyone at the library, grocery store, sports bar or happy hour. so i HAVE to do something. the vag isn't get any younger or moister.

yes, i still have my hopes of marrying tim riggins. or, now that j.timberlake is supposedly single, i guess he can go back on my "dream board." however, IF for some reason those don't pan out, i need a back up. and it looks like the world wide web might be that back up.
ah, fuck. this is so lame. but maybe at 10 bucks a month, i won't feel so bad.

i can't believe i'm actually considering doing this again, L.A.!!!