Cs and Ds and the "ick" in between

i need to talk about girlfriends and their boyfriends for a minute. hypothetically. let’s say your birthday is coming up, and you invited all your friends to…a winebar, that perhaps serves tapas. and let’s say you told your friends that they could bring their husbands and boyfriends. why not? just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t delight in the beauty of your friends’ relationships on your birthday. so you go to make the reservation, and you find out that your party of…say 12 cannot be accommodated at the restaurant. they can only take a reservation for 10 max. you, not wanting to deprive anyone of the joy of celebrating your birthday, call around to find a place that can take a party of 12. but maybe you live in a place where having a party that size is a sin, and it is therefore impossible. so…you call your two girlfriends, who wanted to bring their husband and boyfriend respectively, and apologizing profusely, tell them that you unfortunately cannot accommodate their other halves. so let’s say your married friend is perfectly fine with it, but maybe your friend with the boyfriend is not fine with it. perhaps she sends you an e-mail that says something like she’s sorry the restaurant won’t take more people, etc. etc., but she already asked her boy to come and he worked his schedule around her and she’d feel bad not hanging with him so she’s not going to come. maybe you’ve known this friend for 10 years. and maybe she’s been dating her boy for 2 months.

hypothetically, would you be upset/miffed/hurt and would you have a right to be? i’m going to say yes. you have a right to feel not cool with that. granted, she’s already made her decision and there’s nothing i…i mean, you…fuck it, i can do about it, and i don’t want to do anything about it. i want her to do what she wants to do, and if that’s who she feels compelled to be with, that’s who she should be with. however, i think what made me a little salty was the fact that
1) it’s my birthday
2) she’s known him for 2 months
3) dinner starts at 7, which technically would give her plenty time to go, hang out, and then be with her boy, right?
maybe not. maybe things have changed since I last had another half. whatever happened to “bros before hoes” and “chicks before dicks”? maybe the bros before hoes thing is still alive (though i know for a fact that’s not always true), but i’m pretty sure the chicks before dicks thing is dead (it probably never even caught on as i think i just made it up in my head). people say “my girls come first. my girls this…my girls that. fuck men, I got my girls, heeeeyyy!” but that’s bullshit. sorry, it is. a dick will supersede your BEST chick any day. i’ve witnessed it and fallen victim to it on many occasions. an army of chicks is infallible until an army of one lone dick charges up like a Trojan horse. then insurrection ensues, the army collapses, and the general rides off with the enemy. at that point, your girls who were there for you when you didn’t have no damn man, get the boot. don’t get me wrong, when i finally get one, i will probably go into hibernation and want to be all up under that musky, testosterone-filled beast. but would i miss a friend’s birthday for a man i see every week, more than once a week? will i flake on my friends simply because i’d feel worse ditching him (and my friend is more likely to forgive me)? i certainly hope not. i hope i’m not so drunk on his smell and so happy to have my own Trojan horsie to play with that i completely lose my mind.

but maybe i’m wrong now. maybe i’ve been out of the dating game so long that i’m not able or unwilling to see the situation from the perspective of an attached person. maybe i’m being selfish. or ridiculous. maybe it’s just a birthday and not that big of a deal. maybe. but it doesn’t feel right.

so how does it end? hypothetically, you send your friend a message saying that you respect her decision but that your feelings were somewhat hurt nevertheless. hypothetically, she hasn’t responded to you. but you say "screw it" 'cause it's your birthday, and you're going to have fun regardless.

i just had to get that off my chest, L.A.