reunions

my 10 year high school reunion is coming up next month (that's right, bitches. i'm old). and though i'm actually looking forward to going back and seeing people because my high school was awesome and i loved my classmates and i love any excuse to go back home, i'm also sort of dreading it. if i could go back and pretend to have strep, so i couldn't talk then it would be cool. but seriously, what am i going to say? "hey, (insert name of cute blonde girl). you look great. oh, two kids, really? wow. congrats. married to a cowboys player? sweet. you've published a book, too? yowzers. yes, you are fantastic. me? oh, well...i...i have a job. yeah, which...you know is good in a recession. and i have an apartment, which is good...you know, with foreclosures and all. kids? no...but i have this plant that just keeps, growing and growing. you should see it! boyfriend? no. but this guy did offer to take my up in a helicopter over vegas and buy me a steak at the cheesecake factory."

i don't really want to have those conversations. i'm delighted to hear about others' success, yet i have no desire to discuss my life. plus, i have to buy a ticket home. on top of that i HAVE to buy a cute outfit to compensate for my shortcomings. a lot of money being spent for something i'm half-dreading. and do we really need reunions? i mean with facebook and all that we already know what's going on in all of our lives' and how we all look and who rejected whose friend request.

so what is the point? i guess it's such a long-standing tradition that no one wants to get rid of it. furthermore, i guess it's different when you get to size someone up in real life instead of an airbrushed glamour shot of their "good side" posted on the internet. and i guess i am looking forward to our $50 all you can eat/drink restaurant party that night where someone will more than likely get drunk and some shit from like 12 years ago will come up and somebody will cry, and the words "bitch" and "snatch" will be tossed around like fluffy pillows (i DID go to an all girls' school). and more than likely someone's husband will seem more gay than straight, and someone's nose job will be a national tragedy, and everyone will forget about my plant and my steak...
it's actually starting to sound like a shitload of fun.