my Secret problem

um...so if you receive an e-mail from your co-worker that reads, "hey, i heard you're leaving..." and you have not found a new job nor have you told anyone that you're leaving, should you assume that you are getting fired? well, that's what i assumed when i received an e-mail this morning that said that very thing. i didn't panic or head for the nearest window. my only thought was, "damn, now i won't even be able to say i have a job when i go to my reunion."

i began to wonder what led to my downfall. was it my hours on perezhilton? my fantasy footballing? my playing Diner Dash 1, 2 and 3? the updike novel on my desk? my blogging and disguising it as work? i e-mailed my co-worker back just to verify that this was in fact the case (considering he's worked here for 15 years and handles the checks, i assumed that if anyone would know that this pay period was to be my last, it would be him). i very lightheartedly replied, "i am? i didn't know anything about that. am i getting fired? did you just give me a heads up?" he didn't respond. determined to know how much longer i had before i would be lying on my couch all day watching court shows, i wrote "AM I GETTING FIRED?" in black sharpie on a sheet of paper, walked over to his desk and held it in front of his face. he laughed, said no, i wasn't getting fired. not to his knowledge anyway. but he had heard from a couple of people that i was leaving.

i feel like i'm missing something. i went straight from visualization to resignation without the manifestation. damn you, Secret. nowhere was it mentioned that you could screw the process up. nowhere did it say "visualizing your desired career may result in nothing more than rumors circulating around the workplace. use at your own risk." i'm sure this "information" was born out of the fact that i leave for writing-related meetings whenever they arise. i don't deny that, and i'm flattered that people think i have something lined up and am on my way out the door. however, that's not the case. and it's not that big of a deal. it's just that i have a hard enough time not living up to my own perfectionist expectations let alone those of other people that i unwittingly created. whatever. just another minor work annoyance--a little worse than people who say "sorry" all the time, but not nearly as bad as people who talk way too damn loud and too damn much about nothing at all.

i am still employed, L.A.