so much for that

that whole friends business is for the birds.

friday, as i was leaving work, i got a text messaging from him saying my bike wouldn't fit in his car (and since he's moving into his place, it could no longer stay in the storage unit) and did i have any ideas? i supposed this text was not only to serve as notification about my bike but notification that he was back in town as well...oh, that's right "we're friends," so i guess you don't really have to tell me those things until you get good and ready. i kept it strictly business. told him when i could come get it, etc. after a few messages back and forth, he asked, "so what are you up to tonight?" i told him, making myself sound busy, which truthfully i was. i guess he was feeling chatty because he responded and made a joke. i said nothing.

the next day, i called him (yes, called) to finalize bike plans. i was already dreading this encounter because i knew how it would go: i would see him, it would be awkward, and i would leave feeling worse than i did when i got there. and that's what happened. while my friend loaded the bike, we made small talk. again, he asked me what i was up to that night, adding that "if i end up doing anything fun, give him a call." i think this is what did it for me. it felt like we had completely regressed. now, he couldn't even ask me to do something, to hang out, to go somewhere. now it's "give me a call if you have something fun planned." fuck you. don't date me for 4 months, sleep in my bed, bring me flowers and candy and whatever shit that makes me think you are really into me, and then turn around and be all fucking casual...like none of that shit ever happened. this was a worse situation than it was before he left. at least then he actually sort of made plans with me and didn't base our encounters on the possibility of external events.

i shed my tears finally (i hadn't done that since any of this happened), spent yesterday in one hell of a funk, and today i decided that this wasn't for me. if we're going backwards, if he can't even bother to make plans with me (no matter what level of dating we're at), then i can't deal. because i can't pretend that NOTHING happened. i can't pretend that we're just homies. what we had before was casual...this now is just bullshit.

so i told him that i was sorry but i couldn't do it. he didn't say anything. whatever. fuck 'em. i already unfacebooked him, and i had never saved his number in my phone (for this very reason), so i didn't have to worry about that. just need to clear out my text inbox, take a deep breath, and hope that the next several days bring me the peace of mind and heart that i need...again.

i am hurt yes. and sad. but this isn't new territory, so i'll survive...