...ashes, ashes, we all fall down

so it turns out i was right...about it being the beginning of the end. i'll stick to the dirty facts.

two days ago, when i said that i wasn't going to respond to that lame text, i lied. well, i meant it at the time, but tonight, my sense of right got the better of me, and i had to say something. keep in mind, the following all occurs via text.

me: i believe you that it's been hectic. but i go for days and don't hear from you (whether here or away) & that makes me uncomfortable. when ur seeing someone, you should call, email or at least text to let them know you are thinking of them. a small gesture that goes a long way. but when you don't or when you don't respond, it makes me think you're not really into this whole thing.

him: i'm sorry, i'm not a great communicator. i told you before i left that i didn't want anything serious, because i haven't figured out my own situation yet [this is not exactly true. more on that later.] i like you a lot...a whole lot. i think you're incredible, and painfully sexy. but if it's a serious relationship you're looking for right now, i'm only going to fuck it up. i don't want to upset you. you deserve more than i can offer right now...i'm not in the best spot, and i have to get my life straightened out before i can be seriously involved with anyone. i really like hanging out with you. i want to see you, but i feel embarrassed that i can't do the things i want with you, because you're one of the best people i've met in a long long time. my stress level has been through the roof lately dealing with all this crap for this show. i've spent the last 2 months working my ass off this and they keep slipping up. the last thing i want to do is project all my problems on you. i'm no fun when i'm stressed.

me: i get it. unfortunately, i am painfully familiar with this reasoning as i've heard it before. so this isn't what you want. okay. i wish i'd known before any feelings were involved. but we can't change that. i know now, and i'll deal with it.

him: i'm sorry, i tried telling you all this, that i didn't want to be serious. i still want to see you and hang out with you...does it have to be so serious?

me: when did you say this (not including when you were last here)? and what does not so serious mean to you exactly? cuz i don't think we have been.

him: that's when i said it, the last time we were together.

me: and to me, "i don't want to like you too much because i don't know where i'll be in 2 wks" means "once i figure it out, i'll be fine." but i totally didn't get what you really meant.

him: i meant what i said, that i don't want to like you too much because i can't be in a relationship right now. what is it you want?

me: okay. well by then everything had already happened, and like i said, i guess i just didn't understand what you meant. but now i do. what i want? someone who gives me time and attention and makes me feel like i'm important to them. i want what i give. it's not that much, but i know you have to be in the right mindset to do it.

and that was it. that was a few hours ago. i don't really have much else to say about it other than how the hell do i keep getting myself in this situation?