the first thing

i hate to start a blog with a complaint. i don't really want that to be the first thing i put out in the internet world, as i don't want to be perceived as a negative individual, but lately i feel...unsettled and generally frustrated with my inability to meet my own "express" life time line (that had me writing for a show, winning an oscar/emmy and living in the hills before the age of 30. the fact that i still have three years to go, and i've reached "oh my god what am i doing with my life? i should just move back to texas and teach" panic mode says plenty about me). and there are other things: the guys i meet out here (who can't be serious with anything other than their right hand), the fact that my apartment smells like weed (and i don't smoke), my landlord (who tells me i remind him of his daughter. then tells me to "come give daddy a kiss"), the fact that i'm doing a job that i don't really care about (but that ain't nothing new. i'd be more of an anomaly if i did care)...all the usual things. oh, and there's my augmenting disdain for los angeles, the city in which i currently reside, with its unwillingness to let you park for free anywhere. all of these things have been sogging my brain and have led me to do idiotic things that further compound my frustration. like today, when i parked at a meter, got out of the car and did not put one damn dime in that mofo. just walked away. then by the time i realized what i'd done, i threw down my over-priced pizza and ran back to my car to find the sweaty meter man putting that wretched red and white envelope on my windshield. the city hasn't even cashed the check yet from the last damn 200 dollar ticket i got (from the douche-y cop who said "i don't know how they make turns in texas, but let me tell you how we do it in los angeles"). asses. but it's my own fault...but a little of LA's fault too. i need a vacation from myself and this place. i need some perspective. i need some normalcy. i need to figure out what the hell i'm doing out here. i need some chick-fil-a and a parking lot filled with lots of empty free spaces.
i am so over you right now L.A.