post-op

i swear it's not the jinx that's kept me away. there have been too many changes. too many uncertainties for me to put down on e-paper. it's hard to talk in the midst of a tornado...whether self-imposed or not. and it's not that i have a better grip on things now but perhaps by writing about it, i can stop being in my head so much. ...not likely, but it's worth a shot, yes?

so, i have a roommate now. a friend i've known for a few years. financially, it's a better situation, and i DO like the place we moved into significantly more than i have liked any other place i have lived in in this city. however, it is a bit strange to go from living alone for however many years to living with someone...well two someones (due to a long set of complicated circumstances, her boyfriend has been there for the past 3 weeks). so i feel a bit like the third wheel on a tricycle (unnecessary and somewhat out of place). you want to know what is NOT a cure for a lovelorn heart? living with a couple. no matter how lovely the people or how un-pda they may be, there's something...i don't know...awkward about it. but anyway, it is what it is for now, and it's only temporary, so that's all i will say about that.

(insert 12 minutes of picking at my cuticle and listening to tevin campbell's "i'm ready").

so...the guy. ugh. the idea of even trying to write about this makes me want to delete this whole thing. i don't know where that stands. next week, it will be a month that he's been gone. and next week he is scheduled to return. i will be glad when he does so that we can either pick up where we left off or i can go on about my business. i would certainly prefer it if it were the former, but there were a few times over these past weeks when i was certain it was the latter. for example, i sent him a text message AND a cute, funny email prior to his surgery (oh, did i mention that he went home to have a lil' surgery?), and you know what he said to my cute, funny email and well-wishing text? nothing. nada. nein. now, we had corresponded through text prior to that once or twice when he initially left (he doesn't really talk on the phone, which is fine as i'm learning that most guys don't. but that also leads me to wonder wtf guys did before text messaging. seriously? like how were people hooking up prior to the convenience of not actually having to talk to the person you wanted to do?). anyway the texting was rare but fine. a week passed. then came my attempt at wishing him a "happy surgery." then nothing. another week passed. in that time, i went from thinking that he was just really tired and needed to heal and would contact me when he could...to cursing his every breath when he found time to update his facebook status with phrases like "i like all things buxom" (which for those of you who've never seen me...is the f.u.r.t.h.e.s.t. thing from what i am). arg. so i blocked his facebook updates and prepared to "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" his ass all out of my head. how rude, i thought. not even so much as a thank you? or a "i made it through. i'm alive."? common courtesy would dictate that you say something, right? so obviously, you not responding to me means that you're a dick.

well, what i didn't know (and i mean SERIOUSLY did not know because it didn't and still doesn't make sense to my brain) is that, on average, guys tend not to respond to communications that lack questions. now this is obviously a generalization and does not apply to everyone, but according to THREE women i know, this is indeed the case for a lot of men. so, i was advised, i should not take the silence personally but rather understand that this is merely a male behavioral thing and that if i want to actually hear from him, i better ask him something.

i told myself i wasn't going to ask him ANYTHING, but a few days later, after i finished a basket of honey's kettle chicken and fries (and some other shit happened), i decided that i needed answers. i needed to know how the fuck he was doing, when the fuck he was coming back and if he would in fact respond to my damn email. so i composed an email and loaded that bitch with questions. five to be exact. so he'd have no damn excuse.

it read:
are you in pain? do you have a hole in your belly that's covered with gauze? did they give you your gallbladder in a jar when you woke up? essentially, how are you feeling post-surgery? i hope you are much better. and when are you coming baaaaaack to lala???

his response was:
yes. yes. no. so-so. Soon.

which pissed me off to no end. i mean, really! i understand guys aren't verbal creatures, but wtf? one word answers? one word answers! i couldn't decide if a half-ass response was worse than no response at all. no response means "i'm dead" (rarely) or "i'm not interested" (usually). either way, it boils down to " leave me alone." a half-ass response means "i'm PROBABLY not interested, but i want to go to heaven one day, and i might not get there if ignore you, so i'm doing this purely for selfish, posthumous reasons." well, i thought, at least i know where i stand...i guess. but man, what a dick move. again, i was cuing up the "eternal sunshine" shit when, 8 minutes after the first email, i received a longer, better email...with words and shit.

this one read:
Surgery went fine, but when they do laproscopic surgery, they inflate your stomach with lots of air, so they can see around inside the belly area. In my case, they used a bit too much air pressure (which is necessary when someone has so very much muscle like myself) and the air ended up over-stretching my diaphragm to the point of tearing some muscle in my shoulder. This caused about a week of very very intense pain in the shoulder, and inability to sleep the first 3 nights (which is worse than pain). I was on so many painkillers my brain was soup for a week. The shoulder pain is mostly gone, my stomach barely hurts, and I'm finally off painkillers. I need to see my Dr. on Monday for my follow-up so he can clear me to travel. After that, I'll either come back to LA on the 23rd, or wait a few extra days so I can see my cousins' band play a big show on the 25th. How have you been? What's new?

oh shit. elaboration! and wait, what's that? are those questions for me at the end!?!? snap. jackpot. of course, my high was tempered by the first email. i mean, why couldn't we just do this (the second one) the first time? or combine the two? why put me through the agony (that you had no idea i would go through) with the one word answers? whatever. i got an email. with words. and questions. and i was satisfied. furthermore, i responded to his email AND got a response back. it was a communication orgy!

i will try not to analyze these emails. actually, i have already analyzed them; i will just spare you the agony of going through my analyses with me. suffice it to say that i have concluded that they sound "normal" and all indicators point to a "resumption of previous activity upon return". this, of course, could be totally wrong. maybe it is. maybe it isn't. maybe it is. maybe it isn't. round and round. this is why i just want him to come back so i can know...one way or another.

am i being crazy. (yes. i heard some yesses in the background). but you can totally stop liking someone in a month. or have a change of heart. hell, you can do it a lot faster than that. good lord, i'm paranoid. i just need to relax and wait. what's another week?