so, since the emailing back and forth, we saw each other. and it was lovely and wonderful. we ate, he made me margaritas, we saw 500 days o' summer, which wasn't the best call on my part, but hey, what can you do? we ate jello jigglers, we laid on the balcony under a blanket, blah blah blah, i called in sick to work the next day, and we laid in bed. sigh... i had fun.
anyway, the next day he was leaving to go home for a wedding and his friend's memorial service, and he said he would call when he got back. now, i KNOW that when we lying under the moon he said the memorial service was going to be on the 14th, and i unsuccessfully prepared myself not to talk to him for 2.5 whooole weeks. however as of last night, he is back, so i heard, which means (i guess) that the service happened early than anticipated. anyway, that doesn't bother me. but there are a few things that give me pause, like something about him having his gallbladder removed and his body shutting down and him planning to go back home for a while and...something about working with dogs. this is all very piecemeal because this is second hand information as told to me by my friend who overhead all of this as she was pretending to be asleep in her boyfriend's room (her boyfriend is friends and roommates with this guy). okay, first off, i feel very bad for him if he is having some health issues, whether they be related to the stress of what's going on or something else. i really do. but in the midst of feeling badly, i also think i hear TAPS playing in the background, signifying the end of this whole affair. i mean, a gallbladder? going home for a while? dogs? this certainly doesn't look good for love. and then i wonder why it is that i always seem to meet guys who are in the midst of some inaccessible period. the "i just broke up with someone and i'm not looking for anything serious" period. the "i'm living in my car, trying to get my self together" period. the "i just want to hang out with my friends and play volleyball" period. the "my ex is stalking me and threatened to kill herself if i date anyone else" period. ugh. granted, the gallbladder period is one that this poor guy has no control over, so i'm not faulting him at all. it's just...interesting i suppose that guys, the ones i like anyway, are never in a position to have a relationship. and yet those are the ones i want. out of a room of 100 eligible men, i will undoubtedly pick the ineligible one. sigggggghhhhh.
maybe i'm jumping the gun and this won't be the case, but if i examine my track record.... and i KNOW you should only look forward and not backward, but wouldn't one be stupid not to heed past warnings?
whatever. i don't know. i don't even know how i feel about this yet. maybe i don't care. hopefully, i don't care. maybe he'll call me and tell me all this and we'll say our goodbyes and whatnot...and maybe not. i guess i should work on training myself not to think about this or him at all. agh!
i think my defense mechanisms are out of control, L.A.
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2 comments:
I say wait until he tells you what is going on with him. It is hard to piece things together from conversations heard through a wall while you are pretending to be asleep. Maybe he bought you a dog with a defective gallbladder and your friend got all the facts mixed up. If this is in fact the truth and you don't want the dog with health problems, send him my way. I am getting bored with my imaginery dog.
you are a walking bright spot, maryam
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