panic and panties

so remember the guy who was sending all the text messages and whatnot, and i was so not interested, and then he friended me on facebook, and i was like, "damn, i'll be glad when i get a boyfriend, so i can change my status to 'in a relationship' and then this douche will leave me alone." well, once again, the joke is on me because that fucker just changed his status to "in a relationship." mutherfucker! i mean, i don't give a shit that he's off the market but merely that he's off the market before me. uggghhh. i saw her pictures. she's aiight. she's no janet reno or anything, but i'm sure she makes him happy, and they have these ridiculously cheesy FB exchanges. for example, under a photo of him, they had the following correspondence yesterday...

her: Sexy businessman. Do you have a girlfriend?
Yesterday at 10:02pm
him: yes...you and she look alot alike! *wink*
Yesterday at 10:04pm
her: Wow then she is hot. Oh well, she is lucky.
Yesterday at 10:06pm
him: i think i'm the lucky one...
Yesterday at 10:07pm

and i am the unlucky one to have stumbled across this. i wasn't FB stalking, i swear. but i saw that wretched red heart, indicating that someone had found love, and i couldn't help myself.

as for me and the guy...well, things have been normal, which is enough to cause panic. normal = seeing each other a couple of times a week with an unspoken understanding that we will be sleeping in the same bed at the end of each excursion. the other day, as i was lying in bed after an enthusiastic make-out session, i thought to myself, it's sad that i'm at the age where sex is pretty much a given. i mean, when you're almost 30, you can't very well get by on first, second and sometimes third bases (which one is third, again?) for very long. at some point, you're going to have to bring it on home. and it's not that i don't want to. it's just that there's something particularly sweet and innocent and...tidy about a relationship in which sex has not entered the picture. i mean, i'm not clingy, i don't need to talk to him all the time, i don't need to see him all the time, i don't feel any emotional extremes. i don't care THAT much about random girls on his FB page. i feel under control. and aside from all that, a pre-sex relationship is just...i dunno...it's beautiful and fun in it's own pressure-less way. and once you do it, it's done. there's no more anticipation of it. it's a part of the relationship, and you will continue to do it with this person until you 1) break up or 2) die. fortunately, no pressure has been imposed on me to do it, though DESIRES have been expressed as of late, which led me to consider all of this. my only hesitations, aside for the aforementioned, are that i don't want a guy to be intimate with me AND other women, and i need to know that he's going to stick around. call that whatever you want (a relationship or just an understanding), those are my requirements.

so how do i know that a guy is going to stick around? well, i will never know for sure, but at what point do i at least FEEL like he will? i don't know. but it's not right now, i'll tell you that much. perhaps to normal folks, a two month span of hanging out would be a good indication, but not for me. two-month-marks are when folks disappear or reveal that they are still in love with someone else, so i'm going to wait this one out and brace for any impending disasters. he is leaving today for three weeks or so, which is good and bad. good because i at least won't have to think about fornication for a good month. bad because i may never have to think about it again if he 1) forgets about me or 2) comes back and wants nothing to do with me. three weeks is a long time. anything can happen, and i still have insecurities when it comes to relationships and 21+ days is plenty of time for them to fester, multiply and spread.

and just a note to el mero mero, who left a comment on my last entry. first, thanks for reading. but i haven't avoided commenting on the boy simply because he's doing all the right things and is therefore unentertaining and not worthy of writing about. i mostly avoided writing about him because i didn't want to jinx it. i am a big believer in the jinx. for example, if i'm dating a guy that i really like and i buy new underwear, the relationship ends shortly thereafter. i swear! so i avoid purchasing new undies (but i really, really need some new ones right now, so i've had this full online shopping cart all day, but i'm afraid to click "checkout" because of what may happen). things that are important to me, things i truly care about, i actually don't talk about. i'd rather just see how they go and then discuss retrospectively. not just relationship stuff but career stuff as well. also, i figured that the people who read this thing, read it because of the crazy shit that happens to me, and if they wanted sap, they'd go elsewhere. perhaps i'm wrong.
but nice guys deserve all the props in the world, and if you're one of them, i'm saluting you today.

okay, but i seriously don't know what all is included in third base, L.A. a lil' help...?