overdue

this weekend, i went to the hollywood land cemetery to watch Alien. for those who don't know, hollywood cemetery is huge cemetery in LA where famous and regular folks are buried, and during the summer, they show movies there. outside. on a wall. it's like a drive-in with gravestones and no cars. i thought it'd be a little freaky, but in actuality i felt bad for the dead people (and their families). i mean, who wants 1000+ people picnicking, getting drunk and watching a movie at the cemetery where their aunt ethel is buried? and who comes up with such an idea? anyway, i'd always wanted to go. i'm glad i did, but it was much better in theory than in reality. i think i was uncomfortable because i was so cold and damp, and the couple in front of me kept fondling one another, so i had to keep moving to see around them.

before the movie, we all sat on blankets and chairs and ate. my co-worker's friend was there...this guy she has been trying to match me up with since February. the first time i saw him, i wasn't paying much attention because i thought his friend was cute. the second time, i thought "absolutely not." this time, i thought "maybe." what got me was the fact that he REMEMBERED shit that i'd said the last time we saw each other. like he actually was listening. when we were in line at the cemetery, he asked me how my fantasy football teams were doing, how my writing was going, who the cowboys were playing the next day. when we sat down, he even poured me a glass of wine because as he said, "i remember that you don't like beer." it was incredible. listening and retaining information is SUCH a turn on. i was so dumbstruck that i couldn't even think of smart things to ask back, or say for that matter. like when i said i was probably going to close my eyes during Alien because i thought it would be scary (it wasn't), and he said something like, "well that kinda defeats the purpose." and i said something like, "well, i'll just pretend i'm blind and experience the movie as a blind person would." omg. dumb! it felt dumb coming out. a train wreck of words. i can't believe i finished that sentence. he just nodded and smiled. he was such a....what's the word...jen-- gyn-- gentleman! that's it. he was such a gentleman. he gave me some of his cheese and bread and offered me some salami, which in my book, equates to "romance."

when the movie was over, he came over and asked, "how'd you like it?" his friend answered, so i assumed he was talking to him, but when i looked, he was staring at me, and again i found myself completely thrown. like, you just got up off your blanket and took three steps over here JUST to ask me what i thought about the movie? my response was, "i'm alive." what? of course, you're alive. as if the alien was going to jump out and eat you. dumb. then i managed to say something like "it wasn't that scary." to try to make my previous statement make sense. to top it off, when we were trying to figure out what to do next, he turned to me and said, "what are YOU up for?" me? are you talking to me?

clearly, my standards for simple men-women exchanges are below low. that's sad. anyway, he's in his early 30s (a good thing) and has a job and an education and all that, so he's a good guy. but i'm still not sure we would ever date.

anyway, i got home a little before 2 a.m. and proceeded to put on my pajamas and a pair of platform heels then clomped around on my hard wood floors. i decided that if i have to listen to my neighbor stomp her chunky feet around and be annoyed then i would do my part to annoy her at the most inopportune time. i'm not sure if it worked, but it made me feel good.

switching topics...let's say you're single and your friend or co-worker tells you about her boyfriend or the guy she's dating and how wonderful he is and how many trips they take and how much money and orgasms he gives her. now let's say at some point, you don't want to hear it. does that make you a bad friend? i'm inclined to say yes. now...don't get me wrong. i think that being subjected involuntarily to those tales is slightly cruel and unusual. it's like telling a carnivore whose jaw is wired shut how juicy your t-bone steak was or telling an amputee how great you think your legs are. yet in spite of the fact that it can be difficult...IS difficult at times, i still say it's rude to not want to listen. obviously, i'm speaking as the listener here, not the story teller. and it isn't always bad...in fact, sometimes, i want to know, as a someone who wants to share in her friend's clitoral and financial joy. sometimes i want to live vicariously. but there are times...many times...when stories involving love and multiple orgasms in a maserati are the last things i want to hear.

this leads me to my final (and totally unrelated) point of the day. today, my mom said to me for the millionth time, "that just means god has something better for you" in reference to something i didn't get. what prompted her to say that is irrelevant. i wasn't really all that burnt up about not getting it anyway, but that time-worn statement got me thinking. is that really true? does god always have something better for us? or is that simply something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better (those of us who have told ourselves that)? can you honestly say that every person who's had their heartbroken has ended up with someone better than the last person? has every person who's been fired ended up with a better job? it doesn't even have to be in the immediate future. but long term? i don't think that's the case. maybe it's the fault of that individual (i.e. if they'd stop falling for the same assholes or stop limiting their potential they WOULD get something better). then again...maybe not. i don't know. i'd like to believe it. i do...most of the time. however, one might consider rephrasing it to read, "god will eventually give you something better. maybe not this year or next. maybe not even for several years. but eventually, you'll get yours. if you don't go crazy first."

i am on some philosophical shit today in L.A.