in the lala land of make believe

hypothetically...let's say i'd hung out with a guy a couple of times, and he was nice and cool and all that, but let's say i discovered a few things that weren't necessarily causes for concern but maybe...they just gave me pause. for example, let's say, hypothetically, that this person didn't have a residence per se, no one place where he regularly laid his head, but multiple residences. three perhaps. some of his stuff here, some stuff there. but, in this scenario, i hadn't really yet figured out why this is the case. and sometimes, just to make things interesting, let's say he doesn't stay at any of those three places because they're so far out. hypothetically then, i would wonder, where do you shower and brush your teeth on the occasions when you don't go to any of these residences? and how often does that occur? then i would wonder, with him having two jobs, how is it possible that he doesn't have a place close enough to go home to every day? how do you have shit scattered all around the county and the rest of it in the six extra seats of your vehicle? i would be so confused by this, and i would start to wonder if the pomade was not pomade at all but just accumulated bodily oil? but then i would notice that his face is always shaved, so there would have to be some regular grooming going on, right? but then i would think, "haven't i seen you in those pants three times already?" and then i would feel bad for even thinking about this stuff because he would seem like a good guy and a good kisser.

if, hypothetically, he was at my house in my bathroom while all these thoughts were running through my head, then i would probably feel extra bad when he came out, looking all sweet-faced, and i would kiss him to distract myself from these thoughts, and i would wonder why, oddly enough, he seemed to taste like my toothpaste. you're hallucinating, i'd whisper internally. eventually, he would say he was going to leave and head to one of his...storage-homes, and i would feel relieved. but i wouldn't be sure if i was relieved because i could now go to sleep or because i knew there'd be a shower where he was going.

how dare hypothetical me assume these things about hypothetical him when i have no hypothetical proof! i would deserve to be single with all that ludicrousness swirling around in my head. of course he's clean, you moron, i would say. but then, bitchy hypothetical me would demand, "is it asking too much that i want to be sure the person i'm making out with showers?" last i checked he was no robert pattinson, and if he was, i would expect to be wined and dined appropriately to compensate for hygiene.

which brings me to the final point of this scenario. i would not be cool if i felt that, with this guy, it was going to be one of those "let me swing by and hook up with you" type of deals. seen that movie. uninterested in the re-release. i want to see the one where someone asks me out on Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons. the ones where plans are made well in advance and do not involve my house (at least not right off the bat). the ones where i feel like a laaaaady. but i couldn't fault him for not taking me out, i mean, struggling actors can't really afford to take you anywhere, and ones with two jobs don't really have time to, right? right? so i would say to myself, self, if you want more, then this is not the bus for you. off at the next stop.

that's what i would probably say in that situation. if any of this were true.
of course, this is again, all hypothetical, because if it were real i would feel like a real asshole saying all this stuff and conclude that i wouldn't even date me if i knew what i was putting out in the world wide web.

i am unequipped to deal with such matters, L.A.